Saturday, April 19, 2008

Apology to Self

Dear Self--

I am writing to wholeheartedly apologize for removing a recent post from your blog. I understand why you felt you needed to do that, and this is no reflection on the validity of that judgement. Someone very close to you for whom you care a great deal felt that what you wrote wasn't as balanced as you perceived your handling of the subject you chose to write about. Perhaps that may be true, perhaps not. The point is that I understand you were so surprised at having hurt someone you care about so much, you didn't feel you had much of a choice. It was also clear that other people thought that was "the right thing to do" at the time.

However, I promise you never to do that again.

It is useful here to consider what the purpose of this blog really is, and I know you put a lot of thought into that after you deleted that post.

* * * * * * *

No one blogs to hurt people--some do so to share information, some to connect family together, some to discuss a certain experience in their lives. The bottom line is that some people will like what you write and some people won't.

Lots of people, I am sure, do not like this blog or perhaps even me personally. You may not like me because I am a woman, or a liberal, or because I like history or because I take photographs you think are horrible. However, I didn't start writing here because I thought that everyone would like what I had to say. If you are upset with me and what I have written, I ask you first and foremost to remember that my intention is NEVER to hurt anyone. Then, I ask you to weigh two things on my behalf--whether you are upset with me because a composition of mine unapologetically levels some kind of judgement on something relating to you in a cruel way without sympathy or whether I may have written something with which you simply may not agree. I hope, sincerely, that if you are amongst those who care about me, people who remind me how blessed I am and thankful I should be, that my asking for this consideration on your part is not an unreasonable request.

First, my heartfelt apology for hurting anyone for whom I care so dear. I am sure it is hard to believe, but it hurts me more to know someone I know was hurt by me inadvertently. Second, however, is my resolve that I have to stick up for this blog and why I keep it. It is entirely understandable that I be asked to be sensitive to the feelings of others. However, it is important for me to be clear--this is my blog and my space here. If I am inconsiderate to you personally, I welcome your checking me on that point without question. If I present an opinion with which you do not agree, though, I only ask that you recognize my right to have that opinion and express it in my space. Many people disagree with my opinions, and every blog post is, in essence, a discussion. There is a "Comments" section at the end of every post. I welcome all insights, and I have never deleted a comment unless it was "spam" or was obscene in language or content.

You are welcome to disagree, but please do not ask me to avoid writing about certain things because we disagree on those subjects. I sincerely hope that my resolve will not alienate anyone I care about, and I believe if those individuals will only do me the favor of remembering my right to have an opinion and express it, even if it isn't the same as their own, there is a common ground of understanding to be found there.

A sincere thank you from me to everyone who pops in to this blog from time to time--people I know and people I have never met in person--and my appreciation for all thoughts and comments expressed on my posts. I enjoy reading what you have to say, on the blogs of others and in response to what I have written here.

Now, it's fabulous outside, so on to the rest of the day.


M@ said...

I experience exactly the same thing the other day when I published a photo of a woman's breasts that she'd emailed me.

I took it down. :(

Anonymous said...

It seems that once people used a private journal to write down one's thoughs and feeling now people tend to blog for everyone to see. Even old and future Employeers can find blogs.
Have you ever written something and then took another look at it some time later and could not believe what you wrote, well once its online you can take it down but you cant undue it. The damage is done

pilgrimchick said...

In answer to your comment, yes and no.

I don't think too many people treat blogs with the same intimacy as journals or diaries unless they feel extremely confident that they are entirely anonymous, and that's hard to really guarantee oneself. There have only been a few incidents--notables, no surprise--where an employee rants and rails about this person or this boss or this task in their blog while therein currently employed. Then, we get a news story about that person's blog being discovered and their being fired.

I do not recall a time when I have ever put something up that fell into the category you describe. I have always re-examined my writing, and I have many times thought things could have been composed better. However, I did not start blogging to hurt anyone, whether I know them or not, and that is a filter I use to edit my posts when I write them and intend to publish them. And, honestly, after over two years of blogging without more than one isloated incident, I think I have been fairly successful.

booda baby said...

Censorship is just a curious thingie. Frankly, I have enough problems with self-censorship to get worried about someone else. And they've tried. But WHEN they try, they get me slapping right back.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Blogs are not like real diaries. They want others to see them.

Jule said...

Funny how "anonymous" is sort of censoring as well.

I hear ya and I do understand. I've done the self-censorship thing myself and have regretted but don't be so hard on yourself. It's a fine line and sometimes things are better left unsaid. I think it's important to carefully weigh the possible damage to how important it is to say it.

I'm glad I found the right blog of your several blogs. Thanks for your comments on mine as well.

Anonymous said...

Maybe i am just to old for this maybe its a generation thing.
Self censoring nope but knowing that you cant take back what you say or do is experience in a long hard lived life
have fun blooging aint for me an di dont get it

Kat said...

I would agree that it's probably a bit of a generation thing...and for that reason while my siblings are aware of my blog, my parents are not. My sister has taken issue once with something I wrote in reference to a family matter, but I didn't take the post down. Instead, I let enough time roll by--but then again, I don't think she was hurt by what was posted.

I also agree that blogs are more like soap boxes, general musings, and updates rather than a diary. I think everyone is aware that *hopefully* someone else out there is reading.

Keep writing and keep musing--it's great to read. And thanks as well for your comments. It's so nice to know you're being heard, isn't it?

Anonymous said...

PC - we still love ya!

ellesappelle said...

There have been times when I've felt the need to rant, haven't been able to do it to a human, so I ranted on my blog and then realised it was a mistake much later. But most of the time I don't think I need to censor the things I want to blog about, and it's not like you're writing a gossip blog or something.