Sunday, March 05, 2006

Stuck in the Middle

Have you ever felt like you don't have a place? That you fall in between two or more "realities" or "conceptions" of something, and as a result, you try to fit into one or the other, but neither really feels right?

Maybe times like these force you not to pick a "one" or the "other." Maybe they make you think about the similarities and differences that you share or don't have in common with those other realities.

And, in the end, there is always a choice. You can either choose whatever is readily available--choose between what is around you even though you know that those options aren't quite right or you can choose to exist outside of them. The harder choice, of course, is choosing to stay true to yourself. Here you are, you've got nothing but you, and that has to be enough--it may have to be enough for a long time or tomorrrow may change everything. It's always the most difficult to stay true to something when you're not quite sure what that is.

Or, the one good thing is that these kinds of experiences force you to take one more hesitant step in the direction of knowing yourself. But, let's be honest, they're not enjoyable to go through.

Up on the watershed,
Standing at the fork in the road,
You can stand there and agonize till your agony's your heaviest load,
I'm going to fly as the crow flies,
Get used to a country mile,
When you're learning to face your path at your pace,
Every choice is worth your while.

But ending up where I started again makes me want to stand still.

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